Maybe I Just Needed Incentive?

While at work today I was trying to find some information about the location for this year’s Men’s Retreat (for some promo I was working on).  You know how that goes sometimes – you’re looking for one thing, you stumble onto another thing, you click a link here, you click a link there …

Anyway, that’s what I was doing when I stumbled onto a place I’d never even heard of.  It’s absolutely beautiful, it’s right here in Oregon, and I’d never even heard of it!  It’s a place in the Mount Hood area called Ramona Falls.

GORGEOUS eh?  It looks like a painting - but it's a photograph!

Right away I just knew I wanted to see this place for myself!  But when I started to read about how to get there my excitement sort of deflated.  It’s a 7.1 mile moderate to difficult hike.  Whoa … it’s been a long, long, long time since I’ve WALKED 7.1 miles!!  And I’m pretty sure I’ve NEVER HIKED 7.1 miles!

But then I got one of those “Oprah ‘ah ha’ moments”, and remembered the new exercise DVD’s I ordered.  They were waiting for me when I got home from work yesterday.  I didn’t have a chance to even open them yet … but now that they’re here I certainly plan to use them!  So the little wheels in my head started to spin.  Maybe that 7.1 mile moderate to difficult (eek!!) Ramona Falls hike is the incentive I need to really kick-start my motivation!  Just what I’ve needed to STICK to the Weight Watchers eating plan, start using those DVD’s, work my way up to more challenging exercise, and viola RAMONA FALLS!!!

Ramona Creek, on the trail to Ramona Falls

I know with CERTAINTY that I won’t be making that hike in 2011 (sadly).  Even if my motivation for diet/exercise were at 1000% - my heart issues would make it IMPOSSIBLE to condition my body for something like this so soon.  So MY GOAL – to make this hike in the summer of 2012!!

I’ve already emailed my brother and made him say he will take me here and do the hike with me!  He and my sis-in-law like to do hiking in the summer – it will be a fun thing to look forward to doing with them.  I’m going to make myself a copy of this Ramona Falls picture and keep it somewhere in my house where I can look at it and remind myself of one of the things I’m working toward.

Ramona Falls or BUST!!!

Ruby ... Keep Inspiring Me!

Anyone out there, besides me, who watches “Ruby” on the Style Network (or on Comcast’s On Demand)?  When it first came on a couple of years ago it took me a couple of episodes to decide if I actually liked the show.  Not sure what my issues were in the beginning, because now I love it!

Ruby once weighed over 700 lbs.  While I haven’t quite reached that number (thank you Dear Lord) … the number I do see when I step on the scale FEELS nearly as insurmountable.   It’s people like Ruby who are so inspiring to me.  I know that everyone has at least somewhat of a problem shedding excess pounds.  If that weren’t the case the diet product industry wouldn’t make zillions of dollars every year from those of us “desperate” to lose the weight.  But until you’ve had 75, 100, 150 lbs. (or even more like Ruby) you can’t truly understand just how insurmountable it really feels.

Not only is Ruby attempting to lose the weight – but she’s trying to do it the right way.  She’s trying to eat more healthy foods, she’s exercising, and she’s seeing a therapist to help her understand (or figure out) why it is she gained all that weight in the first place.

I can identify with that.  I’ve asked myself a million times why I did this to myself (more than once I might add!  grrrrrrrrr).  How can I have it “figured out” in my head … and yet it feels like my head is the problem?  How can I KNOW exactly what it is I need to do and not do it?  How can I be intelligent enough to push through in other areas of my life where I resist, but I can’t seem to give the big heave-ho to all this weight?

Like Ruby, there are so many things in my life that have been controlled by my weight.  Even when my weight wasn’t the issue that it is right now – I still convinced myself that my weight was such that I couldn’t possibly do “fill in the blank”.  I don’t reach as high as I could because the weight makes me feel like no matter how high I reach it won’t be enough.  I make excuses, that often border on ridiculous, because I fear my weight will put me in a position where I'll fail – and then have to actually face just how far I’ve let myself go.

I admire the things that Ruby pushes herself to try.  Of course with this being a “reality”show – I think they are pretty sure of the outcome before the camera’s start to roll.  Though the outcome isn’t always good – it’s different when you know that when going into it – it’s not the same as complete real life reality!  But still – seeing her ride a horse, or fit into a go-cart, or walk 3-miles in a Relay for Life Walk.  It helps one to realize that if Ruby didn’t break the horses back when she got on, then maybe I could try riding a horse too.  Probably NOT … but maybe! LOL J

I posted once before about “my plan” for losing weight – which will be Weight Watchers.  That’s a proven plan for me.  I like it, so I’m sticking with it.  I ordered some exercise DVD’s that you can do while sitting down.  Right now that’s an important thing for me since the added weight I’m carrying kills my back when I’m on my feet for very long.  I was happy after doing some research to find this kind of exercise option.

Recently, on a blog I follow, I read this:  “I have this deep rooted weed within myself that I am watering with food.  It’s as if there is nothing that can satisfy its hunger.”  That really struck me – because sometimes I feel that same way.  I need to figure out WHY I choose to eat chips instead of an apple.  Well, besides the obvious reason! LOL J  But seriously – there has to be a reason that I continue to sabotage myself by abusing my body and my health is this disastrous way.  As Dr. Phil would say, “so how’s that working for you?”  Uh, well, it’s not!

I know I can do this!  I’ve done it before!  I’ve lost the weight before, and I’ve exercised to the point that I was able to raise (my heart) ejection fraction from 25% to 47%.  I couldn’t believe how much better I felt … and yet I let it slip away.  Why did I do that?

I MUST make better choices!  If you’re reading this please say a prayer for me J

Time to get serious!

You might say I took a “blog break” … which sounds odd since it’s hardly been more than a month since I started it in the first place!!  I’ve actually wanted to blog about something that consumes far too many of my thoughts … weight/weight-loss/exercise … uuuugggghhhhh!!!  I guess I just needed to find the “right” time to do it.

It’s no secret, to anyone who knows me, that I’ve NEVER been a skinny-mini.  I got kind of close to “skinny” for a couple of years in my 20’s … but it’s otherwise been a struggle (to one degree or another) for most of my life.  It feels like I’m always trying to figure out what the key is to motivating me to stick with the things I KNOW I need to do … I literally think about it every single day!  How can I want something so much and do so little to get it?  It’s so frustrating!  I know what I want to do, I know what I need to do … so why can’t I do it?

You would think, after 40 years, that I’d have at least somewhat of a handle on it … but I don’t!  In fact, the last 3 years my struggle with it has been the hardest … and my weight has completely spiraled out of control … and again – uuuuugggggghhhhhhh!!!!  Yes there are reasons … the last 3 years have pretty much been the most difficult of my life.  My mom and dad invested what little they had into a “scheme” that ended up causing them to lose their home.  It was horrendously heart breaking to see them go through that … and to see my dad breakdown over the realization that he couldn’t take care of them.  Helping them pack-up their house, and sell a good portion of their belongings was so hard.  I stuffed down my feelings about the entire situation with just about anything, food wise, that I could shove into my mouth.  At the same time all of this was going on … MENOPAUSE decided to invade my life!  Wow – I was soooooooooo unprepared for what that was going to do to me!  I’ve never, ever felt so mentally fragile.  It felt like I was angry and emotional, both at the same time … with my nerves on edge 24/7!  I’m still on that ride to a certain degree … but it’s soooooo much better than it was.  At least I feel human most of the time now.  So the weight-gain has been tremendous, but the worst decision I made during that time was to discontinue my cardiac rehab.  At the time it felt like I didn’t have a choice … the old “only so many hours in a day” excuse.  But wow – I had come SO FAR with cardiac rehab … to the point of it making a huge difference in my life function.  It’s gone now … and my heart function has dropped to a new low.  That puts me in a vicious cycle … I need to lose weight so I can exercise (the weight is just too much on my joints right now to try to do much exercise) … but I can’t seem to stay motivated to lose the weight!!!

Now, the icing on the cake (probably not a good analogy!) … I had a test yesterday (no results from it yet) that will most likely confirm that I’m now diabetic … and again … uuuuugggggghhhhhh!!!!  That will mean yet another medication to add to the zillions (it feels like zillions) that I already take!

I need to turn my life around while I still can (HOPEFULLY I still can!)!!  I’ve tried pretty much every diet out there – diet pills, Atkins low-carb, Stillman high-protein, the Dolly Parton Diet, the Daniel Fast, low fat, Slimfast, Full-bars, diet shakes other than Slimfast, some Diet Center type of diet from years ago, vegetarian, the Cookie Diet, the Ice-Cream Diet … need I go on?  But I ALWAYS come back to Weight Watchers.  It’s the plan I’ve had the most success with.  So the eating plan for me is Weight Watchers!

Exercise … being on my feet for any length of time right now is almost impossible – it KILLS my back.  But I recently bought some walking poles – and I’m hoping to try using those in my home with the Leslie Sansone Walking DVD’s.  So the exercise plan is in-home walking!

I also need to start putting more effort into keeping my house in better order.  By doing that I will also be getting some additional exercise.  And by going back to cooking more I will not only be eating things that are better for me … but the effort I put into food prep will (hopefully) also be an element of “exercise” (or at least maybe helping to strengthen my back??).

So I’m putting this OUT THERE.  Not sure who will read it, or if anyone will read it, but by it being “out there” I hope it will cause me to think about things I put into my mouth (BEFORE I put them in mouth!), and give me some motivation to get up off the couch and move around a bit more.

I don’t plan on my blog being about “dieting” … but I will plan to “report in” every now and again.  Until then, anyone who is reading this, would you please pray for me to find the motivation I need, and that God would give me that little boost of energy, and back-pain relief, that can start and keep my exercise groove going?  Pray that God will keep my “Diet Pepsi” train a movin’, LOL