Anyone out there, besides me, who watches “Ruby” on the Style Network (or on Comcast’s On Demand)? When it first came on a couple of years ago it took me a couple of episodes to decide if I actually liked the show. Not sure what my issues were in the beginning, because now I love it!
Ruby once weighed over 700 lbs. While I haven’t quite reached that number (thank you Dear Lord) … the number I do see when I step on the scale FEELS nearly as insurmountable. It’s people like Ruby who are so inspiring to me. I know that everyone has at least somewhat of a problem shedding excess pounds. If that weren’t the case the diet product industry wouldn’t make zillions of dollars every year from those of us “desperate” to lose the weight. But until you’ve had 75, 100, 150 lbs. (or even more like Ruby) you can’t truly understand just how insurmountable it really feels.
Not only is Ruby attempting to lose the weight – but she’s trying to do it the right way. She’s trying to eat more healthy foods, she’s exercising, and she’s seeing a therapist to help her understand (or figure out) why it is she gained all that weight in the first place.
I can identify with that. I’ve asked myself a million times why I did this to myself (more than once I might add! grrrrrrrrr). How can I have it “figured out” in my head … and yet it feels like my head is the problem? How can I KNOW exactly what it is I need to do and not do it? How can I be intelligent enough to push through in other areas of my life where I resist, but I can’t seem to give the big heave-ho to all this weight?
Like Ruby, there are so many things in my life that have been controlled by my weight. Even when my weight wasn’t the issue that it is right now – I still convinced myself that my weight was such that I couldn’t possibly do “fill in the blank”. I don’t reach as high as I could because the weight makes me feel like no matter how high I reach it won’t be enough. I make excuses, that often border on ridiculous, because I fear my weight will put me in a position where I'll fail – and then have to actually face just how far I’ve let myself go.
I admire the things that Ruby pushes herself to try. Of course with this being a “reality”show – I think they are pretty sure of the outcome before the camera’s start to roll. Though the outcome isn’t always good – it’s different when you know that when going into it – it’s not the same as complete real life reality! But still – seeing her ride a horse, or fit into a go-cart, or walk 3-miles in a Relay for Life Walk. It helps one to realize that if Ruby didn’t break the horses back when she got on, then maybe I could try riding a horse too. Probably NOT … but maybe! LOL J
I posted once before about “my plan” for losing weight – which will be Weight Watchers. That’s a proven plan for me. I like it, so I’m sticking with it. I ordered some exercise DVD’s that you can do while sitting down. Right now that’s an important thing for me since the added weight I’m carrying kills my back when I’m on my feet for very long. I was happy after doing some research to find this kind of exercise option.
Recently, on a blog I follow, I read this: “I have this deep rooted weed within myself that I am watering with food. It’s as if there is nothing that can satisfy its hunger.” That really struck me – because sometimes I feel that same way. I need to figure out WHY I choose to eat chips instead of an apple. Well, besides the obvious reason! LOL J But seriously – there has to be a reason that I continue to sabotage myself by abusing my body and my health is this disastrous way. As Dr. Phil would say, “so how’s that working for you?” Uh, well, it’s not!
I know I can do this! I’ve done it before! I’ve lost the weight before, and I’ve exercised to the point that I was able to raise (my heart) ejection fraction from 25% to 47%. I couldn’t believe how much better I felt … and yet I let it slip away. Why did I do that?
I MUST make better choices! If you’re reading this please say a prayer for me J
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