Time to get serious!

You might say I took a “blog break” … which sounds odd since it’s hardly been more than a month since I started it in the first place!!  I’ve actually wanted to blog about something that consumes far too many of my thoughts … weight/weight-loss/exercise … uuuugggghhhhh!!!  I guess I just needed to find the “right” time to do it.

It’s no secret, to anyone who knows me, that I’ve NEVER been a skinny-mini.  I got kind of close to “skinny” for a couple of years in my 20’s … but it’s otherwise been a struggle (to one degree or another) for most of my life.  It feels like I’m always trying to figure out what the key is to motivating me to stick with the things I KNOW I need to do … I literally think about it every single day!  How can I want something so much and do so little to get it?  It’s so frustrating!  I know what I want to do, I know what I need to do … so why can’t I do it?

You would think, after 40 years, that I’d have at least somewhat of a handle on it … but I don’t!  In fact, the last 3 years my struggle with it has been the hardest … and my weight has completely spiraled out of control … and again – uuuuugggggghhhhhhh!!!!  Yes there are reasons … the last 3 years have pretty much been the most difficult of my life.  My mom and dad invested what little they had into a “scheme” that ended up causing them to lose their home.  It was horrendously heart breaking to see them go through that … and to see my dad breakdown over the realization that he couldn’t take care of them.  Helping them pack-up their house, and sell a good portion of their belongings was so hard.  I stuffed down my feelings about the entire situation with just about anything, food wise, that I could shove into my mouth.  At the same time all of this was going on … MENOPAUSE decided to invade my life!  Wow – I was soooooooooo unprepared for what that was going to do to me!  I’ve never, ever felt so mentally fragile.  It felt like I was angry and emotional, both at the same time … with my nerves on edge 24/7!  I’m still on that ride to a certain degree … but it’s soooooo much better than it was.  At least I feel human most of the time now.  So the weight-gain has been tremendous, but the worst decision I made during that time was to discontinue my cardiac rehab.  At the time it felt like I didn’t have a choice … the old “only so many hours in a day” excuse.  But wow – I had come SO FAR with cardiac rehab … to the point of it making a huge difference in my life function.  It’s gone now … and my heart function has dropped to a new low.  That puts me in a vicious cycle … I need to lose weight so I can exercise (the weight is just too much on my joints right now to try to do much exercise) … but I can’t seem to stay motivated to lose the weight!!!

Now, the icing on the cake (probably not a good analogy!) … I had a test yesterday (no results from it yet) that will most likely confirm that I’m now diabetic … and again … uuuuugggggghhhhhh!!!!  That will mean yet another medication to add to the zillions (it feels like zillions) that I already take!

I need to turn my life around while I still can (HOPEFULLY I still can!)!!  I’ve tried pretty much every diet out there – diet pills, Atkins low-carb, Stillman high-protein, the Dolly Parton Diet, the Daniel Fast, low fat, Slimfast, Full-bars, diet shakes other than Slimfast, some Diet Center type of diet from years ago, vegetarian, the Cookie Diet, the Ice-Cream Diet … need I go on?  But I ALWAYS come back to Weight Watchers.  It’s the plan I’ve had the most success with.  So the eating plan for me is Weight Watchers!

Exercise … being on my feet for any length of time right now is almost impossible – it KILLS my back.  But I recently bought some walking poles – and I’m hoping to try using those in my home with the Leslie Sansone Walking DVD’s.  So the exercise plan is in-home walking!

I also need to start putting more effort into keeping my house in better order.  By doing that I will also be getting some additional exercise.  And by going back to cooking more I will not only be eating things that are better for me … but the effort I put into food prep will (hopefully) also be an element of “exercise” (or at least maybe helping to strengthen my back??).

So I’m putting this OUT THERE.  Not sure who will read it, or if anyone will read it, but by it being “out there” I hope it will cause me to think about things I put into my mouth (BEFORE I put them in mouth!), and give me some motivation to get up off the couch and move around a bit more.

I don’t plan on my blog being about “dieting” … but I will plan to “report in” every now and again.  Until then, anyone who is reading this, would you please pray for me to find the motivation I need, and that God would give me that little boost of energy, and back-pain relief, that can start and keep my exercise groove going?  Pray that God will keep my “Diet Pepsi” train a movin’, LOL