I recently read this during my devotional time: “People who are trying to be friendly sometimes ask, ‘Are you keeping busy?’ The question seems harmless, but in my mind it carries a subtle message. Beneath the surface is a test of personal value. If I can’t rattle off a list of things I have to do, I feel as if I’m admitting that I’m not worth much. But does God determine our value by how busy we are? Does He calculate our worth by how much we accomplish? Does He reward us for living on the edge of exhaustion and not taking care of ourselves?”
How often do we feel “guilty” because the house isn’t spotless? Or, even if it is presentable, the refrigerator that needs cleaning out, or the overflowing laundry hamper that’s stuffed behind closet doors, nags away at us! “You need to do more! You need to do more!”
I’ve been especially reminded of this during the past couple of months. The church I work for has been doing “The 90-Day Challenge”. The goal is to read the entire Bible, cover-to-cover, in 90 days. In order to accomplish this you would need to carve out “an extra” hour (or so) each and every day for 3 months. My first thought, “yeah, like that’s going to happen!” And since I had such a negative attitude about finding that “extra” hour each day it DIDN’T HAPPEN for me. Today they are on day #69 – I wish I had been doing that reading for these past 69 days.
But, back in January, I just couldn’t seem to wrap my mind around how I could make that happen. I honestly don’t know how working women, who are married with children (and/or grandchildren) do it! I’ve said that for years! I always feel “behind” … and it’s JUST ME! I only have my meals and laundry to worry about – yet I stop way too often and grab something for dinner on the way home from work because “I’m too busy to cook” … and let’s not even discuss my laundry! For the most part I only have dishes for one – but they still manage to stack up in the kitchen sink.
I used to feel more like I could “keep up”. Of course for the last few years my health as been a huge issue (and a good excuse?) – my energy reserves often feel like they’re in the negative digits! And the past couple of years issues with my parents have taken up a lot of my extra time. That’s been especially the case since August when my mom made her journey to Heaven. My dad missed her so much that he completely fell apart physically. He’s still working on trying to regain his strength and health from those bad couple of months. It does take a lot of time to support another person through such a significant life change.
So I guess I do have “reasons” … or excuses! But even with legitimate reasons, I still feel the guilt of not being more on top of things. UNTIL …
… the other day I was reading the blog of my friend’s daughter-in-law. She was writing about talking to several of her friends who felt overwhelmed, stressed out, and not able to stay on top of it all. She shared this: “On one side of a piece of paper make a list of all the things you do. On the other side of the paper make a list of all the things you don’t do. In order for you to be able to do the things you do, you also have to not do some other things. In other words, you only have so much time … and so you need to choose to invest it on the ‘things I do’ side. If you want to add something new to that side, then you probably have to move something off of it to the ‘things I don’t do’ side. Then whenever you see someone else who, for example, bakes their own bread, and you think to yourself, ‘Wow, I wish I baked my own bread … I don’t measure up.’ You can remind yourself, ‘No, look at all the things that I’ve chosen to do … I could do that too, if I’m willing to give up something else.”
She then went on to list 10 things that she does NOT do. She ended that with, “There are many, many more things that I don’t do because doing them would suffocate the life and beauty out of the things I do do. Things like playing with my children and listening to my husband share about his work, or taking a walk with friends. All the things on my list would be good things to do. Beneficial, even. But they can’t take the place of the other good things I’m doing. And I am learning that I don’t need to compare my dos and don’ts with anyone else’s.”
I started to share my own list of things I don’t do – but then changed my mind. God has made each of us different, with different talents and skills and capacities for doing. So there is no need to compare, and therefore, I decided my own list wasn’t necessary to post. The DO lists and the DON’T lists will be constantly changing anyway. The idea is that we shouldn’t be pressuring ourselves into “doing it all” … or even thinking that we should try. There will always be some new things to take on, or things we need to hold off on while we finish other things.
We are meant to live with limitations, so setting boundaries for ourselves is a good thing. Instead of wishing you made your own bread, ask the friend who does if you can buy a loaf from her once in a while! Think outside the box … or, maybe, it’s going to be something that will have to stay on your DON’T list indefinitely.
God doesn’t want us to feel defeated … especially about things that have no eternal value. Deciding to put “making my bed everyday” on your DON’T list isn’t going to keep anyone from going to Heaven! But it's hard to feel motivated to ask a non-Christian friend to attend church with you if your mind is mush because you’re stressed and frazzled from not putting more things on your DON’T list.
If we could do it all we wouldn’t know our need for God … so for that reason I’m glad my DON’T list is so stinkin’ long!!
